Blink and you'll miss it...

The bottle of suntan lotion has been covered by 6" of snow.

I can see the peacock blue cap poking out of the fluffy white blanket.

It's a reminder of warmer days gone by and more to come.

The weatherman didn't lie to me this time. We're going to get a lot of snow today.

Like a child, I had trouble sleeping last night.

My excitement bubbling to the surface kept waking me up.

Is it here?

Isn't it here yet?

My body would not settle down. I perched myself at various windows just waiting for the storm to arrive.

Finally exhausted, I drifted off the sleep.

I missed the first snowflakes and woke up to a winter wonderland.

I guess Old Man Winter can be sneaky like that.

Merry Christmas...

Sleigh bells ring, are you listening,
In the lane, snow is glistening
A beautiful sight,
We're happy tonight.
Walking in a winter wonderland.

Gone away is the bluebird,
Here to stay is a new bird
He sings a love song,
As we go along,
Walking in a winter wonderland.

In the meadow we can build a snowman,
Then pretend that he is Parson Brown

He'll say: Are you married?
We'll say: No man,
But you can do the job
When you're in town.

Later on, we'll conspire,
As we dream by the fire
To face unafraid,
The plans that we've made,
Walking in a winter wonderland.

In the meadow we can build a snowman,
And pretend that he's a circus clown
We'll have lots of fun with mister snowman,
Until the other kids knock him down.

When it snows, ain't it thrilling,
Though your nose gets a chilling
We'll frolic and play, the Eskimo way,
Walking in a winter wonderland.

Damn the torpedoes...

My newfound popularity has driven me over the edge.

At one point in my life I had wished to be that person who they called on a regular basis to see how I was doing. That my name would be a part of their conversations without my knowing it - just because.

That I would be thought of instead of an afterthought. Or worse (and my normal reality) not even considered.

It's a childish wish I know. But it lingered in the back of my mind nonetheless.

Present day finds me having my wish come true. Sort of.

The calls come at regular intervals and now people stop by unexpectedly.

"Hey, I was in the area and thought I'd stop by."

That would've all been great except for one thing.

There's a purpose to this newfound friendship.

I have something they want. Something big.

They don't know I know that little bit.

Did they really think I would be so blind that I wouldn't/couldn't see through their charade? That I would be so grateful to be included in their little circle?

Too little. Too late. My eyes have been opened for a very long time.

They had set me up to be the bad guy in all this so I did the best that I could do.

I removed myself from the situation.

I will let them wonder how to handle the situation and feel foolish for asking. I will let them squirm, because they deserve that much.

Catch 22...

I wish I could say that I was in the middle of a tug o'war where everybody wants me to be on their side. But that's not what's going on.

The reality of the situation is that I've been thrown in the middle and then pushed.

Push-push-push-push.

They think I don't know what's going on but they're wrong. Very wrong.

If I could benefit from this unfortunate position I've been shoved into, I think I would do something about it. But I'm going to lose no matter what I wind up doing.

Damned if you do.

Damned if you don't.

If not for you...

Illness has invaded my body. As much as I fought with vitamin C and healthy foods, the dreaded bug got a hold of me. I sound like Harvey Fierstein and my nose varies between being a faucet and filled with concrete.

That being said, my work week has also been on the hellish side.

Feeling lousy and constantly having someone on my ass all day has made me cranky and sensitive. My quiet time spent in my head produces nothing but worries and thinking. Thinking and worries.

I posed a question because the thought had stuck with me. Somebody else’s words were on repeat mode in my head. I don’t know why. It made me wonder and played on my insecurities.

As I lay down in bed, my head heavy with sickness and my body aching from coughing all day he answered me in a song.

if not for you,
babe, i couldn't find the door,
couldn't even see the floor,
i'd be sad and blue,
if not for you.

if not for you,
babe, i'd lay awake all night,
wait for the mornin' light
to shine in through,
but it would not be new,
if not for you.

if not for you
my sky would fall,
rain would gather too.
without your love i'd be nowhere at all,
i'd be lost if not for you,
and you know it's true.

if not for you
my sky would fall,
rain would gather too.
without your love i'd be nowhere at all,
oh! what would i do
if not for you.

if not for you,
winter would have no spring,
couldn't hear the robin sing,
i just wouldn't have a clue,
anyway it wouldn't ring true,
if not for you.