Death becomes her...

Saddened by the slow death of another relationship, I quietly stand on the side-lines waiting for the inevitable.

One by one, she hands him the nails for her own coffin. Only when she seals her fate will she then be free.

She appears to be hell-bent on ending it. Not seeing the damage she is inflicting on those around her. Nor is she caring.

I was there for the beginning. Not understanding the attraction, but thrilled for him nonetheless. He was happy and was excited to tie his life to hers.

Now it's the end and all I can do is wait for the funeral.

Just me and my shadow...

She's begun stalking me.

I was unaware of her intense desire in being my friend until most recently.

Everywhere I go, so does she. My shadow is no longer just caused by my silhouette up against the wall by bright sunlight.

It's her.

She hangs on to my every word and it boggles my mind.

Is she just so lonely she's grasping at friendship straws or has she found something in me that makes her want to be by my side day and night?

I don't know, but her unnerving giggle makes me wonder if one day she's going to snap and take me down with her.

I'm not a mean person by nature. Sure I have those days where I could spit nails, but who doesn't? She makes me want to be rude if only to get her to back off.

I've become vague, aloof, and elusive which only makes her more interested.

I can't seem to win.

The only thing that causes her to pause is when I unleash my crude side. It buys me time alone as she runs away red-faced and flustered.

I remind her of a friend she once had, she's told me. I'm curious as to what happened to that friendship. I'm almost afraid to hear the reason for their no longer being friends.

What if the girl is shackled to a wall in her basement?

He wins by a nose...

At 4:31 am my eyes flew open. The dream that was so real I could feel the grit of the linoleum beneath my hands rocked me awake.

My heart was pounding and a thin film of sweat beaded on my forehead.

I could barely see my trembling hands held up to my face in the dark bedroom, but I could tell by the violent shaking that I needed to calm down.

I hadn't been rattled by a dream like that in a very long time.

I willed myself to relax.

The comfortable silence of a sleeping home helped to soothe my jangled nerves.

I rolled over to face you. All I needed was to touch your sleeping body to anchor me in this reality.

I quietly reached out to touch your warm shoulder. Knowing that once I touched you, my fears would dissolve and I would once again feel the safety I find in you.

Your light snoring made me realize you weren't woken up by my panicked actions.

I reached out and grabbed your nose.

Not what I was aiming for, but the contact of my hand and your face slowed my pounding heart and calmed me down.

You, however, woke up to me grabbing your nose.

I can only imagine what was going through your mind at that moment.

Thank you for being there for me.

No matter how strange it gets sometimes.

Grave Secrets...

We walked hand-in-hand to the back of the graveyard of my life. The ground is rocky and is mostly unkempt. It's a desolate area meant to be forgotten.

There they stood, sticking out of the ground. Unmarked stones hid what was buried beneath.

I took a deep breath and started to dig. With your encouragement and support filling my backbone with strength, I unearthed the secrets I long ago planted there.

One by one, each grave was exposed.

I was exposed.

The ghosts that were trapped beneath the earth floated up and away. Never looking back at me. They no longer needed to lurk in the background of my mind to scare me. I was no longer afraid.

They only waited for their release into the cosmos.

When everything was all said and done, we were left with empty holes in the ground.

I filled them back up, fearing an empty hole would only invite something new to be buried.

We walked back hand-in-hand out of the graveyard. Your hand holding mine tight.

As if to say, "I understand now and I still love you."

Especially no orange...

"Black, white, grey. No spots. No stripes. Nothing orange. You know it's going to adore me. I can't help it. They all do."

You were right.

He absolutely, without a doubt, adores you. And you adore him.

I watch with envy as our cat follows you around the house. He only wants to circle around your legs. Or sleep on your head. Anything to be with you.

Or better yet, lay on top of the book you are trying to read.

As you play with him, I see him place his complete trust in your hands as he lays belly-up and flops into your lap. You rub him and his purring sounds like an outboard motor.

It's good to be the king.

If I were to believe in reincarnation, I would want to come back as our cat.

Sanity takes a Vacation...

How was I to know the ticket that was handed to me was for a free ride on the crazy train?

I should've known when I decided to engage in conversation after I was drunk-dialed late at night.

A once lucid conversation turned ugly and bizarre. She begins to argue with me and then with herself.

My heart begins to break.

Always the sounding board and general stable figure in her life, I try to answer her questions with thought and consideration knowing full well she will forget what we spoke about by morning.

As much as she says she loves me, she looks forward to hearing about the bad in my life. She becomes pleased when I admit to basic complaints. Nothing life altering, just me being me.

I'm sure it's envy when she wishes for my life to turn to crap - hers is twelve shades of messed up.

Her last question throws me for a loop. I seriously wonder about her thinking and reasoning skills.

Instead of giving her a definite answer, I give her questions for her to think about. If only to delay her impulsive actions.

I pray she sleeps through this dangerous phase and forgets her original insane idea. For she is heading into a strange and potentially hazardous stage. All I can do is wish for the best and be there when she meets up with a train wreck.

I wish I could put on a magic cape and step in to clean up her life but I think addiction and mental illness are quite beyond my mere mortal abilities.

I stand outside and take in the beauty of the evening.

I feel as if I were standing in the middle of a snowglobe that someone has just shaken up.

Snow swirls around my head and little glistening flakes stick to my cheeks.

I take a moment to listen to the sound of falling snow.

Shhhhhhhhhhhh.


It quiets me. It tells me to hush the inner voice and outer voice.

Shhhhhhhhhhhh.


It tells me to open my eyes and appreciate the hushed blanket of stillness.

Shhhhhhhhhhhh.

With friends like these...

With warm covers pulled up to our chins, we face each other and smile.

In hushed voices we start to talk about last night.

I listen to your observations and totally agree.

I love it when you get your "bitch on."

Like a bunch of girls giggling at a sleep over, the talons come out and we start to shred.

I know I should feel guilty, but I don't. Their behavior was appalling at best.

Why are we friends with these people? What are our common interests? Is it worth it?

It's been such a long time since I've asked myself these questions that I don't even know what the answers are anymore.