I knew it was coming, I just didn't expect it then, at that moment. I had already played the scene out in my head hundreds of times. I just didn't expect it to affect me like that.
The angry tears betrayed my emotions. I looked sad when instead I was furious and hurt. In that order.
Was it their intention to inflict like that?
Maybe.
I spoke very little, my voice wobbling. The pain of holding back what I really wanted to scream.
I needed to get out. I wanted to throw up from all the suppressed adrenaline. I hate that feeling.
I wanted to run to my safe space. And cause mayhem. And scream. And cry. And throw things. Have a good old fashioned temper tantrum. The kind that a child would have until they passed out from shear exhaustion.
They wake up with puffy eyes and maybe a little weepy and need a hug because yesterday went pear shaped.
That was today. It was blissfully quiet. My eyes were puffy and I felt a calm come over me. Maybe it's numbness. No matter what, it was better than the rage I was feeling 12 hours before. I can function and talk without sounding possessed.
I wish I could say I needed a hug, but that would be lying.
I'll keep my chin up and keep plugging because that's what I do. You've got to keep plugging because nothing makes your adversaries crazier than seeing a person rise above the bullshit and succeeding despite the obstacles laid in their path.
Ps. I took 'em
