Under Doggery...

The sound of silence thundered through the room after the announcement.

I could swear that I heard myself blink.

Most of the occupants froze on the spot. Not looking an any one person in particular.

I watched people mentally shut down.

It wasn't quite the reaction I expected.

I expected something, but not this.

Even the most verbal of the bunch was stunned into silence. That's actually a pretty amazing feat seeing that most of the time you can't even staple her lips shut for a moment of quiet.

It made me realize that the right choice had been made and that I'm a real threat to those around me - which they felt I wasn't before.

Go me.

Reaffirmation...

I picked up the receiver and recognized her voice immediately.

My name plays like music across the telephone line into my ear and I can't help but smile.

She is one of my favorite friends. We're not best friends, but we're the next best thing. Time well invested in a soul much like mine.

She had always been that girl whom everybody loved immediately. Myself included.

The best time of my life has her peppered through it. I think back on those times with a smile.

We talk about who we know and what's going on in our lives.

I realize that we don't talk enough, I should call her more often. I miss her and her laugh.

Then for a moment she becomes serious with me and tells me something that makes me smile and fills me with warmth.

She tells me that one of her happiest, most fun days ever was with me. It was just the two of us that day and it was always one of those days I think of as a favorite of mine as well.

What I realize is that she thinks of me as fondly as I of her.

My life is filled with self-doubt. A lack of something.

I never think that my encounters register on anybody's scale. That I am not worthy enough to impact anybody.

I don't write this for confirmation or anything else. I write this because in an innocent moment, I found that if maybe I tear down the wall a little bit more, I would see - really see - that I've always been worth it.

And risking getting exposed can be better because the rewards are out there.

If only I weren't so afraid to go for it.

Slice of 3.14159

I know I'm not stupid, but sometimes I feel that way.

The bane of my existence is Math. Oh, how I despise word problems with the fire of a thousand suns. Math is it's own special circle of Hell for me.

Basic Algebra boggles my mind. I mean, I can do it - slowly - but I'm missing the understanding.

I truly believe you can teach anybody the "How to" but you can't teach understanding. Either you get it or you don't.

If somebody taught me how to build a car, I"m pretty sure I could do it. But I still wouldn't understand how it would work.

The same theory goes for me for Math.

I married a Physic/Mathematician. He gets the numbers like a second language. There are times when I have him explain to me the quantum physics of a rocket ship flying around the moon and how it's longer going one way and shorter going the other way. It just makes my head swim.

To me it's all gibberish.

I remember my Algebra teacher once telling me that Math was important and that I'd need to use it when I got older.

I told him that I was going to marry someone who could do Math and I'd never have to use it again.

And I did.

Now I"m older and I realize that I do need those skills. Not for my job but for my kid.

His math brings me back to my hyperventilating perplexed self in school.

Maybe it's a good thing for him because he spends his time trying to teach me what he's just learned.

Now that I understand it any better today.

Now when he explains it multiple times ever so patiently to me do I realize I am teaching him something important in life.

Patience and compassion.

Try and try again...

It's that time of the year again where I purchase the flora to put in my back yard.

Little do these poor plants know that by going home with me, I am certain death to them.

I take the time to replant my newest additions. Their sunny faces turn up towards me in anticipation of TLC.

I talk sweetly to them and give them encouragement to grow and multiply.

My flower garden is once again flourishing with greenery and color. I am pleased with the outcome.

My watering can overflows with good intentions.

Too bad it's only a matter of weeks before my garden is cremated by the sun.

Oldies but goodies...

As I was walking out of the restaurant, my eyes glanced at the other patrons waiting to be seated.

There I saw them. I look every time I eat there, but hadn't seen them in several months,

The old man and his wife whom I watched one night. Soaking in the comfortable movements with each other. It had been obvious to me that they had spent a long time with each other by their second nature behavior towards one another.

Watching them months ago made me hope for that type of ease with you in this life.

I was pleased when I spotted them and pointed them out to you.

A smile spread across your face.

You, too, had been searching for them every night when went there but never found their faces in the crowd.

We both felt a sense of relief. All was good in the world.

I wonder why we both feel the same way abut this elderly couple? We don't know them and have really only seen the a few times.

Either way, it was an unexpected treat to see them and that they were still able to get out and about to have dinner, share noodles, and then a scoop of ice-cream.

Oh, what a wonderful world it is.