Tricky Treats...

As a child I loved Halloween. It was my favorite holiday. It wasn't because of the candy - although I do like candy.

I loved it because it was the one day of the year you could be somebody else and people didn't look at you funny when you were dressed like a pirate or a princess. You were allowed to growl at people or you could be silly.

I never went for the scary or gory costumes. Maybe I wasn't allowed to dress that way. I don't remember.

What I do remember was putting on the make-up or mask and enjoying the anoniminity it brought me.

It was as if my hidden mask was allowed to be replaced by a real one - with sparkles.

I still feel that way.

No Strings Attached...

The strings attached to my arms and legs make me dance involuntarily.

With each jerk on the tethers, my movements represent the wishes of the puppet master.

I twist and twirl around becoming dizzy in my actions. Unable to stop, I am weary.

The master also becomes tired of my uncoordinated movements and decides to hang me up for the night.

My limbs get a chance to rest, when a thought pops into my head.

What if I cut the strings?

How did I get tied up in the first place?

I realize my blunder. I readily handed out my arms and legs and gave the okay to be toyed with.

It's my fault and now here I am being manipulated. A play-thing for somebody else.

I chew through the strings on my wrists and then untie my legs.

I am finally free.

Where do I go now? What do I do with myself, now that I'm in control?

Why is it that I also worry about the puppet master?

Will they miss me? Or, do they move on, like I should?

Summer Sets...

In vain I try to squeeze the last drops of summer onto my skin.

There won't be many more days like this were I get to laze in the sun and read a book.

Perhaps even next week I'll wind up putting away the lounge chairs and side tables. I put them into hibernation as summer drifts into Autumn.

I'm not ready this year.

While my summers are really busy, they are also the times when I can really relax.

The sun and beach soothe my soul. The white nose of the ocean's roar blocks out my frazzled thoughts.

Once fall begins, I will resort to the pops and crackles of the fireplace I will lay next to. Providing a scene I can slip easily in to. Another comfort zone in a safe haven.

Until then I hold on to summer with both hands knowing it will break free of my grasp all too soon.

In the attics of my life...

With rings on my fingers and bells on my shoes, I danced in the parking lot. We traveled like one large hippie gang up and down the coast to see the band we lived and breathed for.

We were young enough that our part-time jobs allowed us to go on frequent spring, summer, and fall tours. We were never looking for a miracle of "one ticket.' We were professional concert goers. We relied on mail-order tickets.

We lived on peanut butter crackers and Snapple. We sold tie-dyed t-shirts at shows to pay for our tickets, gas, and food. For years we would see the same regulars all over the country. A smile and a nod to each other acknowledged each others deadication to our favorite band.

We were light in spirit and welcomed those of like minds.

Patchouli, incense, and marijuana were the smells that wafted through the air in a potent mixture. Drums, guitars and tinkling bells were always in the background. It was my traveling home away from home.

There was a kinship in the hardcore crowd. Peace, love, and sharing.

I knew I could be clothed, fed, and entertained for free in an emergency by complete strangers. I would've done the same for somebody else.

It is a lifetime away from me now, but I look back on my time well spent and I thank God for the Grateful Dead.

It's all Greek to me....

I inhale deeply and glance at the scrolling pictures before me.

Yes, they are beautiful. Yes, it is interesting - to him. Yes, my head is starting to not pay attention to the constant blathering next to me.

I feel like I'm back in college with a lecturing professor talking at me about a subject I'm not interested in.

My mind wanders.

I look across the table and see you smile and roll your eyes.

My giggle is quickly muffled. Funny how we think the same thing.

A pompous windbag unaware that we are not impressed with his never ending show.

I can only acknowledge that his lecture is more interesting after a few martinis are under our belts.

It is sad that he feels the need to try and impress us with his skewed knowledge, unaware we are sleeping with our eyes open.

He should just let the silence between friends suffice.

Spiders = 1; Me = 0

I lay back and soak in the sun. The late summer sky and warm rays from the sun relax me. I try and decide whether to read a book or do nothing.

What the hell was that tickle on my leg?

I look and find a tiny spider running over my leg.

*SMACK*

That bug's a goner.

I settle back in to my nothingness and serious bellybutton contemplation when I feel another tickle. This time it's on my shoulder. Again I find tiny spider.

*SMACK*

That one's a goner too.

I fluff my towel and lay down again. Daring another arachnid to cross into my personal space. Didn't all the creatures outside see me cream those two other bugs? Don't they know I'll squash them too should they get on me?


Yeah, well apparently I'm not too threatening looking as 4 more spiders decided to roam on me.

As I decide to pack it in for the day a dark thought entered my mind. One of my biggest fears that could actually happen...

Are there spiders in my hair?

The panic starts to unfold itself neatly in my mind. My breathing starts to quicken and I can feel the tears well up in my eyes as I realize that I may have been laying on a spider nest or some other hell I could only imagine.

I can barely speak the words, "Please help me. I think there might be spiders in my hair." Panic makes me unable to function as I start to shake uncontrollably.

He pulls my head down and tells me to calm down. He weaves his fingers through my hair and finds nothing. Not a hint of any cootie.

I slowly start to calm down but the fear remains. What if he missed one?

I shudder at the thought.

Thank God I didn't have a blowtorch on me or the entire backyard would've been blackened.

Rebel Yell...

A. Laughs at inappropriate jokes, would be the one to run down the street on fire. And naked. A handful from the get go.
B. Type A personality. Eager to please. Well behaved. A real go-getter.
C. Still waters run deep. The quiet one. The watcher. Laid back and easy to roll with.

Guess which one is me? (I'll give you a hint - not B or C)

Imagine someone describing your personality to somebody else. I laughed when I first heard it, but it sticks with me today.

My sister had a daughter. And bless her, the girl has the same personality as me. I was pleased to hear somebody else will keep people on their toes in my tiny family.

"Why me? I was the good one!" Was the cry I heard when she realized the observation was true. I'll have to admit that stung. What's wrong with being a trail-blazer? What's wrong with being an independent thinker who's not afraid to take it on the chin?

I can only hope she can't break my nieces spirit in any way. I hope her zest for life is never quenched by the monotony of being "just like everybody else."

Maybe, when she's older, we WILL run down the street, naked and on fire telling the most appalling jokes...

Hell on Wheels...

I babysat for months.

Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. Every week, without fail, I was employed. Usually by the same families but sometimes I got new clients to add to my list. I was well known and reliable.

I saved my money as best I could. Money burned a hole in my pocket. Sometimes it would flow through my fingers faster than I could grasp.

I found an object of my desire - a bicycle - black.

It was beautiful. Every week I would pass by this want, knowing the countdown had begun. It was only a matter of time before it would be mine. All mine.

I finally saved up enough money - $128.50. That was the most I had ever had saved up. It was mostly fives and ones. When I got to the store, I was so excited I could hardly pay the cashier.

There it was. Shiny and new. It was my first major purchase in my young life. I was so proud of myself.

My first ride on this bicycle I had an epiphany. The harder I pushed my legs, the faster the peddles pumped. The wheels moved faster and I was out like a shot.

My home became smaller as I rode away. I could feel the ties that held me so tightly rip loose.

I had purchased freedom. Freedom to roam. Freedom to scream. Freedom to think my own thoughts. Freedom to be me.

As the wind whipped through my hair, I couldn't help but smile. The rushing air helped to blast the daily worries and awful school days off of me.

I would race through the neighborhood like a bat out of hell sometimes with friends, sometimes by myself. But by the time the street lights came on and I was rolling towards home, I was centered and ready for another day.

My trusty bike took me everywhere. Some places my parents knew about, some places they didn't. It took me on adventures. I laughed, cried, and bled on that beautiful thing. Most importantly, I got a taste of freedom at that point in my life and I never looked back.

Barefoot in the park...

I'm not dating, per se. I'm married. I date my husband. I've been married for a long time and have been with him for half my life.

Half of my life. Damn! That's a long time.

It hasn't always been sunshine and roses. I'm no walk in the park.

The social butterfly married a virtual hermit. An odd combination, but it works for some weird reason.

I went to a picnic and someone asked if I brought my boyfriend with me. Usually he doesn't go with me and at times I feel the old ladies think I'm making up an imaginary husband so I don't appear to be an aging spinster.

He and I were off in the distance enjoying the mountain air. Laughing at private jokes and people watching (a favorite sport of ours). We have fun together. He appreciates my odd sense of humor and I like how he gets me. Not many people do, so it's a rarity when it actually happens.

In hushed whispers my mother was asked if the man I brought with me was my boyfriend.

"No. That's her husband." She replied.

"Newlyweds?"

"No. They've been together a long time."

At first I thought the observation was funny. I was unaware I was being so closely watched by the mother hens.

Later that night I thought how sad is was that the general assumption was 'boyfriend" and not "husband."

Aren't you supposed to have fun with your spouse? I have fun with mine. Maybe that's a rare thing in today's world and that's just sad.

Sunshine Daydreams...

The last leg of summer is upon us. The days slowly become shorter and the nights are getting cooler.

My love affair with the sun and water is almost over as we head into my favorite season of all time - Fall.

Every year I feel as if I'm cheating on summer when I get excited about Autumn being just around the corner. there are times when I love each season equally and wish for the best of both worlds. Heat and sun during the day but cool nights for sleeping well. Earthy smells and the colors of all draped on the landscape.

Too soon I will kiss summer good-bye and welcome fall with open arms, but until then I will continue to paint my toenails, drink fruity drinks, and daydream in the sun.

Twilights Last Gleaming...

My favorite time of the day is upon me. I sit outside with you next to my side, yet we enjoy the twilight in solitude.

Periwinkle is the color of the sky. My favorite color. It's neither here nor there with the definition of day or night. It is that brief moment of in-between the two. A blending of the most beauty the day has to offer and the magical hint of night.

The bats come out now and we watch them do their arial dance. At first, the flight appears scattered, but then I see a pattern emerging.

I would imagine that if the bats had ribbons attached we would see them being braided together. I don't know much about these flying creatures, but I can't seem to stop watching the intricate dance above me.

At this point, the trees have become silhouettes against the changing sky. I am losing my twilight to darkness.

I wish it would last longer. The brief moment seems to pass all too quickly for me, yet I don't seem to miss many.

Tomorrow I will wake up and I know that if I time it right, I will be able to catch another fleeting glimpse into pure beauty.

As simple as that action seems, it makes me smile.

It always has.

Grin and Bare It...

With my defenses down, I let the mask slip away. Gingerly I untied the ribbons behind my head and let my face be naked.

It had been such a long time since I let my guard down. Usually I let the perfunctory glimpses show to open up. Depending on the response, I either tie the deception on tighter or I let that person get closer.

"Eyes are the windows to the soul." I was told to trust the eyes.

How do you do that when they have no soul? How do you do that when they believe their own deception?

I'm left feeling exposed and vulnerable. Not something I am used to nor enjoy.

Don't worry about me - it's just another brick in the wall.