Boo!

Why can't Casper have any children?


Because he has a hollow-weiner!


Happy Halloween everybody!

Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Short brown hair. Milk chocolate in color now speckled with grey. I remember when her hair was long and she looked like John Lennon. It was so, so straight. I remember when she cut it short. Even as a child I understood the meaning of cutting her hair. Time for a change, kiddo.

Glasses, now with new lenses no longer coke-bottle thick that weighed down on her cheekbones. Her eyes twinkle with mischief, or maybe not, maybe just at me.

She doesn't like her nose. But actually, who does unless they pay for it, or you're Wooly. His nose is actually perfect.

She's gotten a space between her front teeth lately. I always thought it was cool to have a space between the teeth. Imagine how well you could spit if you wanted to. Just like a llama - straight and true. That's how I'd do it. Maybe I'll teach her how to spit.

She's so, so conservative. I can't imagine her spitting. It would be uncouth. But I would love it. And, try to take a picture.

She doesn't approve of "dirty" words. She doesn't know my favorite word in the world is "shit." What I wouldn't give for her to tell a dirty joke to me and not whisper the punch line but actually look me in the eye and say it.

She wonders where I came from, even though she gave birth to me. We are so different, yet the same. Day and night, yin and yang, Ren and Stimpy. She gave me life, yet I'll probably be the death of her.

She and I have gotten closer since The Boy, and I'm glad.

Summer Lover

I look down at my painted toes. The nail polish has begun to chip. It seems fitting that as fall approaches, summer is being chipped away. I put my spring/summer clothes away. Pinks, pastels, light fabric. Not only light in color and weight but in mood. I bring out the fall/winter clothes. Mostly made up of warm browns and black, heavier fabric. Not only dark in color and heavy in weight but in mood.

I hang up the warmer clothes and look at my toes. My toes don't go with the clothes. Still trying to squeeze a little summer out of an abnormally warm autumn day. The sky is blue and the trees have started their annual change. The mood lightens. Change is good.

As I wipe the summer color off my toes, I am wiping the last bit of summer off of me. I think of what is to come and what is to be looked forward to. Soon it will be cold and my toes will be hidden. It's not such a bad thing I decide. I like my winter shoes, snuggling up with a good book on my comfy couch and a warm fire in the fireplace.

So long summer, my friend. I'll see you next year.

TGIF

Did I know today was going to be like this? No. If I had, I think I would've stayed in bed.

How do I tick?

Flatter me, and I may not believe you.
Criticize me, and I may not like you.
Ignore me, and I may not forgive you.
Encourage me, and I will not forget you.
Love me and I may be forced to love you.
~WW

Me = 1; Spider = 0

Little Miss Muffet
sat on a tuffet
eating her curds and whey

Along came a spider
and sat down beside her
and frightened Miss Muffet away

I don't like spiders. It's no secret. I'm learning to let them live as long as they don't invade my personal space. However, if they do, I make it a point in taking care of the situation. It usually involves a lot of screaming, jumping, and pointing.

Today the gods gave me a gift. As I rose from my chair at work, I noticed a little, squashed spider right where my butt had been. As I looked at this flattened arachnid, all I could think of was "Hell yeah! Take that beeotch!"

Amicus verus est rara avis

Do you hate me
because of what I said
or didn't say?

I've missed you.
Do you miss me?

I know I come
in handy when needed.
I pour a mean beer.

I'll still hold
your hair back
for you
but I'm running
out of shoes for you
to vomit on.

Message in a bottle?

Phone
rings
brain
zings
wake me from my slumber

late
calls
take
balls
please forget my number

you
bare
I
care
conversation gripping

drunk
talk
I
mock
yes, I hear you slipping

you
rant
I
can't
do not drink another

you're
weepy
I'm
sleepy
friend, you start to smother

you
choose
more
booze
your speech is getting slurry

words
fail
I
exhale
you need help, please hurry

Darkly Optimistic

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.
~ Dorothy Parker, 1929

How can you not appreciate this quote? A long time ago, when I was feeling down about stuff, a friend of mine had drawn this quote up, along with pictures and gave it to me. I couldn't help but laugh. I still laugh, and think of my friend who is also darkly optimistic.