And life goes on…

 Ah, life.

Sometimes it throws you cannon balls when you think you’re playing tennis.

This year has had a lot of life.

Death

Sickness

Injury

Anger

Sorrow

Family 

Friends

Birth

Youth

Joy

Was it a bad year? No. I’ve had worse.

Was it a good year? No. I’ve had better.

It was an emotionally taxing year.

I will skip the bad and jump to the good.

After we lost our beloved Pyewacket, we were heartbroken. Unsure if we could open our hearts again, knowing that eventually we would shake deaths hand again later on down the line.

But then after living in a too quiet house for too many months, we decided to open up that door again and let love in.

Were we all emotionally ready? Meh. Sort of. But the stars aligned and we found what we were looking for. It’s like the Penny Saver ad found me. We made the call. If the kittens were still available, we would drive 2 hours. If the kittens were normal, we’d take 2. The ones we wanted did not look like Pye. We could not have mini reminders of Pye. It wouldn’t have been fair to his memory or to the kittens always being compared to him.

I had to be reminded that even if we drove 2 hours, there was still a chance we would go home empty handed. If the kittens were sick, if the farmer was weird anything off and we would continue our search.

I understood but prayed that wouldn’t be the case. I was already falling in love with one of the pictures already.

We went to a quaint farm in the middle of the country. 2 barn cats had kittens. The family kept one litter but Mr. Farmer said they were not keeping the second litter.

Kittens were running around in their yard. Wrangling them all was no easy task. The one we wanted was already in our arms, when a little black one snuck by us. 

That one. I wanted that one too. 

Two other kittens were identical and looked like Pye. Nope, didn’t want those. And a third one kept disappearing on us.

In our arms we had two babies. They were snuggling us and purring. It seemed they liked us too.

In the carrier they went and back home for 2 hours we drove. Names were discussed and negated. Some were silly, some were serious, and some were plain stupid. 

In the end we came up with August West (from a Grateful Dead song “Wharf Rat” - a favorite some of mine) also known as Augie.

The second one is Maggie May from Rod Stewart’s “Maggie May” - also known as Maggie.

They have been a blessing to the family and bring us smiles and laughter every day.

So we end the year on a high note with these fluffy creatures who have already stolen our hearts.

Meet Augie and Maggie

 

The most wonderful time of the year…

I think it’s because I spend my days inside. My job has made me work remotely. Lots of advantages, but then again I go nowhere and see nobody. 

Outside, I listen to the leaves drop from the trees. Autumn colors haven’t hit yet, but you can just feel it in the air.

Warm days and crisp nights. 

I love this time of the year.

I think back on my childhood. Where I grew up did not have the changing seasons. There were no leaves dropping from trees. No need to rake anything. No earthy smell - that I learned is called “petrichor”.

Starting October 1, I would eagerly count down the days until Halloween. 

I would plan my costume. Imagine all the candy I would collect, and my school would always have a Halloween Festival. And yes, I loved dressing up in my costume and going to school. 

We would paint pumpkins, have a parade, judge costumes, and generally get psyched up for candy collecting.

I can guarantee that walk home after school might have been the fastest trip home. I practically ran home so I could do my homework, eat dinner and then bolt out the door to start the fun.

My neighborhood was chocked full of kids. Most parents didn’t even bother going out with them. So it was just roving band of kids roaming the neighborhood. You could hear doors opening and then the shouting of “Trick or Treat!” and “Thank you!”

I don’t remember having a fear of being abducted, but we weren’t allowed to eat the candy before my parents checked them first.

Looking back at that time now, I feel us kids payed the parent tax of a few missing Snickers bars.

When I was a young teen, I became the neighborhood babysitter for a number of families. I would take my young charges out to get goodies and get them home before the street lights came on. Then I would go out with my friends in a different costume.

Yes, I double collected.

It was a carefree time in my life. I had as much fun helping the young kids trick or treat as I did on my own. 

As a grown up with my own child, I always volunteered to take the kids out. The other parents were thrilled not to go.

As I always thought, their loss.

My son is grown and doesn’t go out anymore.

So I dress up to answer the door. I love seeing the kids so excited to get candy.

And yes, we give the big candy bars because dammit, I love when the kids run to the parents all excited shouting “Look at what I got! A big one!”

And I give candy to the parents who dress up - because they are celebrating my favorite holiday with as much enthusiasm as I do.

Ps - Link from Legend of Zelda

Surprise packages…

Yes, the wine flows freely in the moment.

I relish communication with my friends.

I was gifted with a weekend of friendship, good food, non-judgement, and belly laughed.

Sometimes you need to get past the bullshit and let your guard down, especially amongst friends.

Real friends who know the real you. Those who knew you before the walls went up and blocked everyone out.

The ones who love you even when you feel your ugliest and they still see the beauty of your soul.

That was the gift to me this weekend. A gift of love.

And for that, I love you more than you’ll ever realize.

Summer breeze makes me feel fine…

The air of the evening is like a hot, wet, blanket draped over my entire body.

It’s an odd sensation so late in the summer. 

Usually at this time of the year the nights are getting crisp. Windows are closed and you can feel the faint touch of autumn. Like it’s peeking around the corner.

Not tonight. 

Everything feels damp. I can’t get dry.

Even the cicadas are still going strong with their song of summer nights.

It’s hot enough that you will still sweat in a cold shower. Relief is but a fleeting moment.

Sleep will not happen until the wee hours of the morning, when it has finally cooled down enough to allow me to stop fidgeting around to find a cool spot in my sheets.

I look over to the patch of wild ferns gently moving in the light breeze. The fireflies that usually float above them are already gone for the season.

I see the faint lights of neighbor homes leaking through the gaps in my fence. They share a gentle glow in the darkness.

Soon the cicadas will slowly quiet. Every night will be a smaller choir. One by one until there are none left to sing. It will be then when I notice the quiet. Right now it sounds like wild country safari in the dark corners of my yard.

I am ready for autumn, but will miss these summer nights sitting in the dark, appreciating nature, absorbing peace, and just being still.

Ps Blowin’ through the jasmine in my mind

Pyewacket…

As I pulled the pillow cases off my slumber clouds, I then understood the meaning “tear stained.”

Mascara smudges were painted all over from my tears that wouldn’t stop leaking out of my eyes - even in my sleep.

My beloved Pye is gone and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.

Thankfully he passed in his sleep in his favorite sleepy spot.

But I wasn’t ready. Are you ever?

We cleaned the house the next day. Anxious energy fueling the frenetic movement around the house. I thought seeing his fuzz in the corners of rooms would upset us.

I’m sure it would have, but now the house is too clean.

It’s too quiet.

I expect to see him around the corner. Any pile of clothing looks like him. At 10:30 pm I miss him telling me it’s time to go to bed. Time to scratch his face and belly and fall asleep petting him.

I am heartbroken. 

Ps.  Doodle bug 

Night Owls and other Nocturnal Creatures…

 Sometimes I go and sit outside at night. 

There’s something to be said about a late spring evening. 

Tonight the sky is clear, but for some reason I can smell the coming rain.

It smells earthy. Fresh.

I listen to the sounds around me. 

I can hear cars in the distance. People on the go, yet I am not.

I’m just happy to sit in the dark.

Creatures move in the yard. They sound small. A little rustle here and a little rustle there. They are on the go as well.

I sit in silence, not going anywhere.

Peace.

I find comfort on my back porch. Surrounded by nature. 

Absorbed in my thoughts and listening to the crickets. Their gentle song plays in the background of the night.

A light breeze ruffles the leaves on the trees and swirls around the new ferns that just popped up out of the ground last week.

The birds safely in their nests for the night, although one or two shuffle around. I image it’s much like when I plump my pillow and flip back down onto it when I’m ready for my own slumber.

The cat bumps his head on the screen door, telling me it’s time to come in and rub his belly. Enough with the outside.

I go inside and he greets me with a “meowf” and leads me to bed.

Time for me to settle myself down.