When you hit a groove, it's not you; it's the spirit world. The spirits whisper the ideas in your brain and prod you along. They're the ones that are really happy. Tommy Chong

 Jenny

I was in the middle of a dream when the whisper woke me up.

My eyes popped open and I looked around the darkened room.

6:06 am - not a soul moving in the house. Not even the cat - and he's the one who is usually waiting for me to get up and out of bed to give him his belly rubs and water.

It was clear as day and seemed to be whispered right in my ear.

Jenny

The whisper lingered with me all day - and the more I thought about it, the more creeped out I became until I came to the only solution possible.

The cat has learned to speak.

Tis the Season...

I'm ready this year.

Most years I feel the spirit of Christmas Present breathing down my neck. My cards aren't done. Shopping is only half done. Certainly nothing is wrapped. I don't have a tree. I feel this holiday panic. Kind of a flutter in my stomach when I think of all that needs to be done.

This year my cards are mailed out. Shopping has been done for a week. Most of the presents are wrapped. And my tree is up and has lights on it. No decorations yet, but maybe I'll get to that soon.

It's like I can actually enjoy the season. I appreciate the lights set up on peoples homes. I sing along to the Christmas songs - which in turn makes me happy. So I look like a nut singing songs in my car with a smile on my face.

Imagine that if you need a laugh this Christmas.

So I wish everyone a peaceful holiday season. May you be with the ones you love.

• PS - All I want for Christmas is you...

Giddy-up…

 Late at night, when the house is quiet and the cat is curled up next to me, I like to watch old western movies.

I don’t know why, but I like them. I can usually tell which ones were done in the 50s because they’re in hyper color. The costumes are fabulous. And the cowboys wear silk kerchiefs. 

One of the things I like to do best is look at the cast and crew list. 

Who were they? But, most importantly, when and where were they born?

I don’t know why I like to look up that information. I just do.

That being said, I really love the oldest westerns for that information. The movies are super corny, but the cast is amazing.

So far the furthest back birth year has been 1863. I found two people for that year. One was born in Germany and the other in Philadelphia.

1863.

What did they experience?

Then I realize that those people in the movies made in the 30s, made to take place in the 1880s, probably remember certain aspects of that time. Because they lived through it.

They were adults by 1900. My grandmother was born in 1900 and I thought she was old.

Did these people ever think that somebody in 2021 would see their movie? They’d be 158 years old this year. 

What would they think of the world today?

It’s crap like this that keeps me up at night.

Ps. Shane

Ooooh, spooky ghosts…

 When I was a child I thought as a child and acted as a child. Now that I’m an adult, we’ll you lose some and you lose some.

For me it’s the most wonderful time of the year.

Greeting trick or treaters at the door. What children dress up to be hasn’t changed much since I was a kid.

Although there are more store bought costumes now and not many scary ones. Lots of princesses and super heroes. Although I did have one hot dog and I think Padre Pio -which was new this year.

All are polite with the exception of one the ninja who told me to “give him some.” And here I thought ninjas were silent.

Some just stand at the door waiting for it to magically open. I happen to be a creeper, so I hear them coming a mile away. 

This year a neighbor tied red balloons to sewer grates in the neighborhood, which I love. That’s how you set the tone for Halloween.

Yes, I dress up to answer the door.

Yes, I hand out the big candy bars.

Yes, I say Happy Halloween! 

Because for me, I’m always happy on Halloween.

There's something in the air...

I don't know what it is, but it's good.

What does it smell like?

Does it smell like damp earth just after a rainstorm? Maybe.

Does it smell like fresh air pouring into a room when you've just opened a window of a stuffy room? Maybe.

What does it sound like?

Is it laughter? Maybe.

Is it glasses clinking with toasts of good health and blessings of good friends? Maybe.

What does it feel like?

Does it feel like a cool breeze tickling over my face as the sun shines down and kisses me? Maybe.

Does it feel like I'm a bit lighter in spirit and that I'm stronger for it? Maybe.

What does it taste like?

Does it taste like chocolate cake? Probably.

Bum, bum, ba, bum, bum bum ba…

 The athletes came together in a friendly competition during a pandemic this year.

Even though my family and I are vaccinated, we still avoid crowded spaces, wear masks in public, and pretty much treat everybody like they have cooties and we stick in our safety bubble.

Television keeps us connected. 

Sure, I enjoy brain candy. I can’t seem to get enough American Horror Story. I’ve watched enough news. That’s depressing and scary most of the time.

I needed a break from the norm, so I watched the Olympics.

Yes, I generally cheer for USA, but I also root for the underdogs, for the athletes who are the first or only person representing a country.

I hate to shine a light on my ignorance, but during the opening ceremonies there were some countries I never heard of. Yes, I cheered for them.

No matter what country win the gold, all the winners were so excited and I was thrilled for them. What I found was that some people won medals which weren’t gold and the people weren’t especially gracious about it. 

I know they tried hard, but to me a medal is a medal.

I think of the woman Iranian single scull racer, Nazanin Malaei. She comes from a desert country yet she raced in a water sport. I cheered for her. I wanted her to medal. She didn’t, but maybe next time. I don’t begrudge the medalists at all. It was a fair race.

I clapped for those people from different countries because even though we live very different lives, speak different languages we are still humans and I wanted to celebrate different faces - laugh, smile, cry without politics involved. 

It was wonderful and I’m sorry that I now have to wait for the next Olympics.

Ps - while I still think golf is incredibly boring to watch, who knew that ping pong was so riveting? Not me.

Inner Child Appreciation Days…

Maybe it was the slight twitch that took up what seemed like a permanent residence under my left eye that made me feel like I was winking at everyone I met.

Maybe it was the indigestion that plagued my guts even after eating plain old bread.

Maybe it was the shortened fuse I was feeling. The limited bullshit tolerance becoming zero.

Maybe it was the lack of interest in reading because my brain was mush.

Maybe it was just after a very difficult couple of years I needed a damn break from my reality.

Yeah. That was it. I needed to unplug from the world, have fun, sun worship, have a drink or two, lay on the beach, read books, eat good food, and laugh until I cried.

I got it and then some.

At first I was worried that I couldn’t shake the stress off and totally let loose. Maybe I lost that fun twinkle?

Have no fear, it didn’t take long for me to reconnect with my inner child.

What I did learn is that while sometimes life is serious and sometimes you have to deal with tough stuff, don’t forget about self-care. It’s ok to have fun and let loose even while you have responsibilities.

As a matter of fact it’s good for you to let go.

So here’s me telling you to do just that in whatever way you choose to self care - do it.

The very thought of you…

Yesterday was full of curious moments and I smiled for most of them.

I kept thinking about all the times we laughed until there were tears in our eyes and a little pee in our pants.

Those carefree summer days of fishing at the pond. Catching nothing but a few rays of the sun on our pale skin.

Sneaking you out of the house to go to dances you were forbidden to attend. 

Sleepovers where you made me listen to The BeeGees, convinced that if you played that album enough times that I would love them like you did. 

Those winter days where we got so much snow, we planned on being snowed in at your house so we could play on the snowmobiles.

It was all fun.

I’m not saying there weren’t any tears, there were, but mostly we had fun.

I couldn’t understand why the thought of you and the whisper of your voice followed me around so vividly and then I realized that today would have been your birthday.

Last night I said out loud, “Sherry, if you’re thinking of me, wherever you are, send me birds so I know it.”

Today the trees outside my office window have been visited by more birds than I can count. As a matter of fact, there’s a yellow finch staring at me right now.

So maybe I’m ready to forgive you for leaving me the way you did. 

And maybe I can admit that I still miss you terribly so.

Confessions of a non-morning person...

 As this pandemic (hopefully) winds down, I have a confession to make.

For the last 15 months I have literally lived in either slippers or sandals, yoga pants with a sweater, or shorts and a tank top. That's not the confession part.

During the summer I have also taken to sleeping in sundresses. They're lighter than pajamas and are super comfortable. So while I look like a slob during the day, at night I almost look dressed up.

I'm not sure how or why I started to use sun dresses as sleepwear, but I can only guess that it was because I found a dress in a light material that was loose and was less expensive than actual pajamas - I'm a nightshirt gal.

Once I figured out this little gem, I couldn't stop. Now I have a number of sleepy sun dresses to choose from. I love them all. They're bright and happy (whereas I, on the other hand, am not in the morning) and pretty (again, I generally look like someone took an egg beater to my hair and went to town).

So, I guess this is just a warning that should you show up at my house unannounced and I answer the door in a sun dress, and my hair has a life of it's own, I'm probably still in my pajamas and you just need to go with it.

I am Woman, Hear me RAWR...

I was once asked if I was ever discriminated against because I was a female, and unfortunately I was able to say yes. 

 There have been slights over the years which were infuriating at the time but I was able to rise above (“girls shouldn’t behave that way”), kick some ass and move on, but the one that sticks in my mind was from high school. 

 My senior year I wanted to take a shop class. I didn’t care if it was wood shop or metal shop. I wanted to learn something different. When it was time to make my class elective selection, I chose Wood Shop and submitted my request. 

 A week later the Principal called me down to his office to discuss my selections for my senior year. He approved all but one – Wood Shop. He told me that I couldn’t take the class because I’d be too much of a distraction. He felt that I’d be better suited to take Home Economics for the 3rd time because “What girl doesn’t want to make a happy home for her husband?” And then he smiled at me. I didn't know what "Smarmy" meant back then, but I do now. It was a smarmy smile and I didn't like it. 

 I didn’t understand. I was angry and from that moment on I lost respect for that principal and the entire school system. There was no recourse for me. I was back in Home Economics. I couldn't sew but did well enough with the cooking and baking. Anybody can clean a house. I didn’t need to be taught that crap. Again. 

 I knew I would eventually get married, but what if I wanted to actually build my husband a home? What if I wanted to be able to make the furniture? Weld metal for the framing? Become a construction worker, carpenter, artist? Did he only see me as a potential "Housewife"? 

 These days I know I could take a night course in wood or metals, but that’s not the point. 

 Girls, women, ladies can do anything we put our minds to, not because we are female, but because we are human and humans are amazing creatures. 

 I do not let my gender be a hindrance in the eyes of the world. I fight for what I want and if challenged, I will exceed expectations to blow their doors off. 

 I am a force to be reckoned with. 

 ps - well behaved women rarely make history

Time flies when you're having fun.... not!

One year ago this week my company sent everybody home in a panic. It was literally like a fire drill, only we were to take everything from our desks and go home. It was a mad scramble to get out. “Take what you need to work at home for 2 weeks” was what was said. And we did. 

To be honest with you, I really didn’t understand the ramifications of a pandemic. I thought I would be home for two weeks at the most. 

 There was an underlying fear of catching this bug because a number of people in my office had been exposed and had to go into quarantine. Only days before our mass exodus I had gotten a manicure from my favorite place. During that time my guy told me of how he had the worst flu he ever had and was out of the shop for nearly two weeks. That day was the first day he didn’t have a fever in 10 days. I still wonder if he had the virus and just didn’t know it. 

 All of a sudden, everything was closing. Stores, malls, parks, movie theatres and restaurants were closing. I saw my first person wearing a mask. Funny, back then I thought they were strange looking and thought that person was overly cautious. Today I have many masks to match my outfits should I leave my home. 

 After two weeks of working from home, my company said they would re-visit the conversation of working from home in May. May? I couldn’t believe I was going to have to stay home until May. It seemed so far away. Cleaning supplies were off the shelves. You couldn’t buy meat anywhere. Shelves were empty of odd things like flour, cooking oil, mason jar lids. We started ordering grocery delivery but that became too expensive to live like that. We started shopping at weird times and we went out in homemade masks. 

 My family and I settled in for the long haul. Made smart choices regarding food. We cooked a lot more. We got into a routine that was mentally good for us. 

 In June, my company said we would go back in October, by then I wasn’t willing to go anywhere – but October seemed to be a good time and really, how long can a pandemic last? 

 In October I got my answer. We were permanently working from home.

 Today a half million people have died – DIED – from Covid and we’re not getting out of the house any time soon. My family and I are waiting patiently for our vaccines. And, yes, I do know people who have gotten the virus, but have been lucky to not have complications. 

 Today I don’t have the anxiety that I had in the beginning of all this. Sure, I am cautious. I still wipe down the groceries, wash my hands, wear a mask, strip off the clothes and shower immediately after when I have to go into the office. I keep my 6 foot distance from everybody. 

 In the last year I have had anxiety about everything. I have worried about my family, parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, and friends. Not debilitating, but it lingers in the back of my mind. Yes, I have had a low day where everything caught up with me. I became Covid tired, I missed my family and friends. I miss seeing people in person. I haven’t been able to hug my parents in a year. And what’s funny about that is that I’m not a touchy-feely person and even I miss hugs now. 

 I guess that’s my tolerance – I can handle no touch for a year and then I miss it. 

 All in all I’m good. I’m ready for this to be over but am willing to suck it up and stick it out until it’s done. I’ll continue to wear a mask and be safe. For now. I can’t say what I’ll be like our sound like if we’re still in the same situation in a year. 

 I’ll probably sound like a lunatic.

Peeping Jenny...

You can call me crazy, I don't care. Or, maybe you are just realizing the "creep factor" of my whimsy calls to yours. Like calls to like? I have a confession to make - I like being a passenger in a vehicle at night so I can look into peoples homes. It's not that I want to see what people are doing. I really don't. And, if I'm being honest here, seeing people in their homes makes me look away. It wrecks it for me. I like looking into homes so I can see how they've decorated. What makes their home a home? Did they paint their walls? What color? Is there wallpaper? Do they hang pictures on the walls? Is their television the main worshiping center of the room I can see into? Do they have interesting lamps? It's all really very basic. I'm nosy. What I have learned so far. 1. Some people do paint their walls. There are a lot of accent walls of hunter green, orange, dark brown, or red. 2. There are more white walls than anything and I always feel sad for those people because there is no color in their homes. I love color. 3. Sometimes there is wallpaper. It's either some toile, or something flowery from the 70s. It's usually in the kitchen or dining room. 4. Sometimes there are pictures but not many. Sometimes there are paintings but not many. I find that people who have colored walls tend to have more artwork than the white walled homes. 5. Televisions tend to be focal points in living rooms. Very few living rooms are without one. And, if there is a fireplace, the television is hung up above it. 6. Lamps (not sure why I focus on those things) tend to be pretty boring. Even my own are dull - but hanging light fixtures can be amazing. So, keep in mind that at night if you don't pull your curtains shut, there might be a person like me looking in to see how you've decorated your home. Never wanting to see you, but how you make your home, your home. ps - I always pull my curtains shut at night. No need for weirdos looking into my windows. :)

Good Day and welcome to 2021.

2020 was, to say the least, a rough year. 

I did have some wonderful events tickle my life here and there. 

The additions of a new family member in the way of a niece was most excellent. The fact that I cannot visit her in person is totally bogus. 

The pandemic forced me to work out of the house for almost a year now. The good part is that I work out of the house. I've created ways to work better. Unfortunately work-life tends to blur into home-life. It's something I need to address. I work harder than I play, and I just can't have that uneven balance in my life. 

Being home 24/7 has made me more creative in cooking meals. Since we save money on going out to eat (I haven't sat in a restaurant since February 2020) we've learned new and interesting ways to prepare chicken. I know, you may think it's boring, but you haven't tried my chicken a la orange yet. 

We've followed the rules with social distancing and mask wearing. I wonder what will happen when we are allowed out to roam freely in the world? Will we have all become semi-hermits shunning or even fearing social interaction? As a social butterfly, I fear that this may have happened already. 

I managed to reach out to old friends and reconnect. Some with great success, some I'm realizing that there was a reason as to why I stopped talking to them. How does one un-reconnect? 

I'm one of the lucky ones. I love my home. Yes, I'd love my own office, air conditioning, but all in all, being stuck inside my home with family has not been bad. Yes, we get cabin fever and wind up yelling at each other when we feel the pinch, but really its more of letting off steam. Those blow-ups blow over and we're laughing again. 

I have had worse years than 2020 in my life. No resolutions were made for 2021. I think just making it through this coming year will be enough for me. 

Be well, stay healthy, and hug yourself because you're not allowed to get one from anybody else.