Treats for me...

I love Halloween. It's truly my favorite holiday.

Aside from it being ok to wear a costume and ask strangers for candy - I love to see the imaginations at work.

The littlest ones (whose treat bags are nearly as big as they are) are just learning the ropes. It is obvious that the parents picked out the costumes and are pushing each child door to door. Proud to show off their cute namesakes.

The middle sized children finally get to choose their costumes. There's a sense of pride they exude when you open the door to them. When you acknowledge how great they look their faces beam with pride.

The largest kids are what I call "the clean-up crew." They lurk in the shadows in costumes barely slapped together, but enough to tell that they made some effort.

They come during the confections last call.

My candy bowl is nearly emptied by these hulking teens. I still give them what I have because they rang my doorbell in a costume.

Now I must turn out my porch light because my remaining Butterfinger is calling my name.

Breakfast club...

You made me laugh this morning.

A rarity to be sure.

I must've caught you off guard because your comment, "Seeing you laugh in the morning is scary" made me laugh even harder.

My secret delight in unnerving you tickled me.

Not sure what got into me, but it lasted all day.

Brain Stew...

I sit and relax in the sun.

My mellow tunes play in the background and I feel the mental pot start to stir.

I envision a large paddle stirring this cauldron of my thoughts.

'Round and 'round she goes. Where she stops, nobody knows.

I get lost in my mind while giving myself a pedicure.

Are my feet the gateway to my internal processing?

I know putting my feet in the sand and letting my toes dig in releases something in my mind.

As if the tiny particles are actually little keys which open the padlock placed on my relaxation.

Pedicures - or at least the process - do the same thing for me.

My mind goes blank of all the immediate concerns.

Sometimes I get all my toes done and hardly remember doing anything.

Except when I'm done, I'm happy and relaxed.

Are other people this way?

Do they instinctively do something without question to pull out their creativity?

As the polish dries on my toes I smile.

I'm not sure why exactly, and I probably look like a fool, but I don't care.

Reaching out...

My hand hovers above the telephone.

Do I or do I skip it?

Every week I ask myself the same question.

Every week I skip it.

I've been playing the same game for several months.

Every week I am drawn by the same desire - just to hear her voice.

What stops me is the inevitable conversation - which is what I wind up regretting after I hang up the receiver.

Why do I keep doing this?

Exactly what am I missing about her?

Is it that she's no longer a kindred spirit of mine and I hope to return to the past?

I think upon it heavily. It was a give and take relationship.

I gave and she took it all.

Do I miss being needed at midnight on a Tuesday?

Do I miss not getting a word in edgewise for an hour and a half on my dime?

As I ask myself these questions I realize that it we can't go back to the was things were because I changed.

Not her.

I changed and she can't handle it. So she doesn't anymore.

She has nothing to give me because she isn't built that way.

She never was.

I walk away from the phone knowing my decision is the right one.

At least this week.




ps - and not touching someone.