Lucidity...

I held the card in my hand not believing my eyes.

A blast from the past.

I had walked away from it so many years ago vowing to protect myself from her disease.

I read the note once again.

Everything made sense. Everything was in order. Everything appeared to be normal.

A reach was made by her to call and catch up. She had so many things to tell me.

Where she's been. What she's been up to. Who she is now.

I couldn't wait to call and reconnect with her.

While my time away from her was needed. I didn't cut her off because I was angry or hurt. I did it to protect me and mine. I still missed her and wondered where her path was leading her.

Excitedly I left a message for her to call me when she had time. I had things I wanted to tell her too.

Not 5 minutes later I got a rambling call back and then was hung up on.

5 minutes after that I got another call laced with obscenities.

Then the texts started.

More unintelligible calls and texts assaulted my poor phone.

I looked at you with my eyes wide and could only shake my head.

What have I done?

I invited the beast into our home again.

But at least I learned of her whereabouts on her path.

Right where I left her all those years ago.



ps Diggity

Christmas came and went with a harried air about it.

I just wasn't ready this year.

The tree sat sans lights for a few days because life became so busy, when we finally had the time at the end of the day, we were just plain exhausted.

Vacation has been good for me.

I'm glad I had those extra days to decompress.

I needed to stay in my pyjamas for a couple days and catch up on recorded movies which were just brain candy.

I devoured non-education books while tucked snugly in the couch beside the roaring fire in the fireplace.

I did manage to shower and put deodorant on abut my make-up took a hiatus.

My general wardrobe consists fo fuzzy sweaters and faded blue jeans.

I tippled a glass of wine here and there.

The phone and computer were turned off.

I spent my time not tuned into the world. Just trying to remember my own frequency so I can tune into myself.

Work had only intruded my sanctuary once in my time off. Usually it pops in more times than that.

While I still have 2 more days free to be me, I can't help but think that if I were independently wealthy, I'd do just fine retired and sitting by a fire.

New Years Resolution: play the lottery.