Monday, January 21, 2013

Lucidity...

I held the card in my hand not believing my eyes.

A blast from the past.

I had walked away from it so many years ago vowing to protect myself from her disease.

I read the note once again.

Everything made sense. Everything was in order. Everything appeared to be normal.

A reach was made by her to call and catch up. She had so many things to tell me.

Where she's been. What she's been up to. Who she is now.

I couldn't wait to call and reconnect with her.

While my time away from her was needed. I didn't cut her off because I was angry or hurt. I did it to protect me and mine. I still missed her and wondered where her path was leading her.

Excitedly I left a message for her to call me when she had time. I had things I wanted to tell her too.

Not 5 minutes later I got a rambling call back and then was hung up on.

5 minutes after that I got another call laced with obscenities.

Then the texts started.

More unintelligible calls and texts assaulted my poor phone.

I looked at you with my eyes wide and could only shake my head.

What have I done?

I invited the beast into our home again.

But at least I learned of her whereabouts on her path.

Right where I left her all those years ago.



ps Diggity


6 comments:

Carrie said...

Ouch. Sorry it turned out like that.

MissTottenham said...

At least you tried and at least now you know.

Sorry it turned out like that.

Jennicula said...

I finally got an apology after two weeks.

Frankly I was surprised she even remembered that she had talked to/at me.

She says she thought I was somebody else.

I haven't answered her yet.

Not sure if I'm going to. Her calls were frightening. It makes me think about whether or not I want open communication lines again, or just wait until she reaches out again years from now during another lucid moment.

Yet for some stupid reason I still feel guilty for not answering her.

MissTottenham said...

That's cos you are a good person Jenn. It's always the good people that have their conscience knaw away at them. the crap people just don't give a shit.

Carrie said...

I don't want to be nosy, but I'm assuming perhaps substance abuse is involved?

You are a good person, just like Caz said. Sometimes you really have to cut your losses, as painful as that may be.

PP said...

Goodness. Everything Miss T and Carrie said, Jenn. =(

I've been alright, thanks. Trying to still recover from the hideousness that was 2012. Latin hits it on the head with annus horriblus. Roll on 2013. =)