I knew it was coming, I just didn't expect it then, at that moment. I had already played the scene out in my head hundreds of times. I just didn't expect it to affect me like that.
The angry tears betrayed my emotions. I looked sad when instead I was furious and hurt. In that order.
Was it their intention to inflict like that?
Maybe.
I spoke very little, my voice wobbling. The pain of holding back what I really wanted to scream.
I needed to get out. I wanted to throw up from all the suppressed adrenaline. I hate that feeling.
I wanted to run to my safe space. And cause mayhem. And scream. And cry. And throw things. Have a good old fashioned temper tantrum. The kind that a child would have until they passed out from shear exhaustion.
They wake up with puffy eyes and maybe a little weepy and need a hug because yesterday went pear shaped.
That was today. It was blissfully quiet. My eyes were puffy and I felt a calm come over me. Maybe it's numbness. No matter what, it was better than the rage I was feeling 12 hours before. I can function and talk without sounding possessed.
I wish I could say I needed a hug, but that would be lying.
I'll keep my chin up and keep plugging because that's what I do. You've got to keep plugging because nothing makes your adversaries crazier than seeing a person rise above the bullshit and succeeding despite the obstacles laid in their path.
Ps. I took 'em
3 comments:
You are right, seeing you carry on will make them madder. You can get through it cos you are strong. Fuck anyone else.
Aw bless, I'm so glad Amelie's pic cheered you up. I always smile when she pulls that face.
I'm also so glad that you both have a better understanding. One step at a time I guess. I hope things get better between you.
We do have a better understanding. She understands I'm pissed and I understand she's an idiot.
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