Have you ever been naked? Like, really naked? Not without apparel, but you've stripped off the mask and armor and actually let someone see the real you?
It's damn scary, that type of nakedness. When you're that naked with a person, you're opening yourself up for damage. I don't do that often. I hide my imperfections, thoughts, and fears. While I love my friends dearly, I also hold them at a distance. I hold them at arms length because the baggage I have is too much for some. Some won't get it, others don't want to get it. I'm ok with that. Too much known leaves me feeling vulnerable.
Only a few know the "real' me. Maybe because they were there in that time of my life, or because they've experienced the same thing as me and opened up to me first. I can count on one hand how many close friends actually know and see the real me. They love me and my broken bits no matter what. All of my friends I've known for a minimum of 10 years. My oldest friend I've known since I was 5. She is the one who sees me clearly. She knows everything about me. There is no armor or mask to hide behind because she came before all of that.
I've made new friends recently and I've opened up to them. Bit by bit I've dropped my defenses with smoke and mirrors and deflection with humor. I've bared glimpses into my soul. The underbelly of me. I pointed out the cracks in my perfect facade.
I got naked and it scares the shit out of me.
Mayonaise
