My hand hovers above the telephone.
Do I or do I skip it?
Every week I ask myself the same question.
Every week I skip it.
I've been playing the same game for several months.
Every week I am drawn by the same desire - just to hear her voice.
What stops me is the inevitable conversation - which is what I wind up regretting after I hang up the receiver.
Why do I keep doing this?
Exactly what am I missing about her?
Is it that she's no longer a kindred spirit of mine and I hope to return to the past?
I think upon it heavily. It was a give and take relationship.
I gave and she took it all.
Do I miss being needed at midnight on a Tuesday?
Do I miss not getting a word in edgewise for an hour and a half on my dime?
As I ask myself these questions I realize that it we can't go back to the was things were because I changed.
Not her.
I changed and she can't handle it. So she doesn't anymore.
She has nothing to give me because she isn't built that way.
She never was.
I walk away from the phone knowing my decision is the right one.
At least this week.
ps - and not touching someone.
