Reaching out...

My hand hovers above the telephone.

Do I or do I skip it?

Every week I ask myself the same question.

Every week I skip it.

I've been playing the same game for several months.

Every week I am drawn by the same desire - just to hear her voice.

What stops me is the inevitable conversation - which is what I wind up regretting after I hang up the receiver.

Why do I keep doing this?

Exactly what am I missing about her?

Is it that she's no longer a kindred spirit of mine and I hope to return to the past?

I think upon it heavily. It was a give and take relationship.

I gave and she took it all.

Do I miss being needed at midnight on a Tuesday?

Do I miss not getting a word in edgewise for an hour and a half on my dime?

As I ask myself these questions I realize that it we can't go back to the was things were because I changed.

Not her.

I changed and she can't handle it. So she doesn't anymore.

She has nothing to give me because she isn't built that way.

She never was.

I walk away from the phone knowing my decision is the right one.

At least this week.




ps - and not touching someone.