I came
I saw
I conquered
Well, I made it another day. It's always interesting learning about what others see in you or feel about you. I'm scary. Instead of being a disappointment. Scary. I operate on a different frequency than others, therefore, am scary. They don't know how to communicate with me. I say yet again, how about speaking to me and not about me? How about asking me and not others? Don't send an emissary to do your evil bidding. How about you face me? I won't take your head off... immediately. If you can't take the heat, stop feeding the flames.
I saw a person cry today, Actually, I made a person cry today, and it made me feel better. I didn't smile, but deep down, I felt better. Is that wrong? Is that why I'm scary? I don't feel particularly evil in my human make up. I was told that when I'm really, truly angry, I build a wall that is so solid, nobody and nothing will get though. When I'm like that, I suck the sunshine out of the universe and leave you out in the cold. I'm not rude or hostile, actually extremely polite. It freaks people out. I don't know what to do with that information about me. When I'm well and truly pissed, I WANT to suck the sunshine out of your life and leave you in the cold. You should think about what you've done or said to me or about me. I want you to remember this side of me and not repeat the same mistake. For there won't be a next time in my book.
I conquered a fear. I went about and did something new today. I went outside my comfort zone. I don't know if it was the right thing to do, but I did it, and I think it might be good for me. I think about it and I almost feel the corners of my mouth turn up in a half-smile. Maybe it's still a smirk, but it's better than a frown or scowl. Am I relieved? I don't know. I still feel like I'm sinking and someone is still handing me bricks, just not as fast. But maybe I can see the life jacket that is just out of my reach. Being handed to me by a smiling face....
6 comments:
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Yes, I am that much of a smartass. You know what I would say anyway.
Hey, Jen!
I read your post, and I can relate. I'm a nice person, but there's a dark side I don't like, but comes out occasionally. I think we all have that inside, it's just how we let it out. Is it wrong? Who knows? Maybe it's just part of our human nature and we have to let it out sometimes. Just be comfortable with yourself. Believe in yourself and BE yourself. That's all you need.
Also, thank you so much for the kind words you left on our blog. We missed the House too, and are glad to be home.
Love you,
L. (and J.)
Jen, I love you.
You are a wonderful person in my eyes so don't you ever doubt yourself sweetie.
Luv caz xxxxx
jen, i would gladly hand you the life coat if you needed it. i would also pull you up at the same time and beating you cos we know i am hard as nails init. ;)
i hope you are ok, i am sorry for leaving chat the other night, i just needed to be by myself and think. i did say bye but again i am sorry.
i told you all jens have a dark side hehehe, mine is a dark shade of blueeeeeeeee but it lights up now and again.
give max a big hello and a hug from me and i will catch you later
xx
♥
So your"dark side" sounds like mine!
Wonder where that can from? I am sorry you are going through so much! I wish I could be near you to help. I would love to let my "darkside " out to help you. Could be kinda scary! LOL! I let the "dark side" out Friday night/ sat. morning. The neighbors were having a party that got outta hand. Then my "dark side" took over. I am thinking I won't have problems with those neighbors again! LOL! I am so glad the girls were spending the night at a friends house that night!
Talk to you soon!
Love ya!
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