I picked up the receiver and recognized her voice immediately.
My name plays like music across the telephone line into my ear and I can't help but smile.
She is one of my favorite friends. We're not best friends, but we're the next best thing. Time well invested in a soul much like mine.
She had always been that girl whom everybody loved immediately. Myself included.
The best time of my life has her peppered through it. I think back on those times with a smile.
We talk about who we know and what's going on in our lives.
I realize that we don't talk enough, I should call her more often. I miss her and her laugh.
Then for a moment she becomes serious with me and tells me something that makes me smile and fills me with warmth.
She tells me that one of her happiest, most fun days ever was with me. It was just the two of us that day and it was always one of those days I think of as a favorite of mine as well.
What I realize is that she thinks of me as fondly as I of her.
My life is filled with self-doubt. A lack of something.
I never think that my encounters register on anybody's scale. That I am not worthy enough to impact anybody.
I don't write this for confirmation or anything else. I write this because in an innocent moment, I found that if maybe I tear down the wall a little bit more, I would see - really see - that I've always been worth it.
And risking getting exposed can be better because the rewards are out there.
If only I weren't so afraid to go for it.
5 comments:
I wish you could comprehend how "worth it" you are to so many people. Not because of what you can do for them, but for the warmth and caring and laughter you give. How many times have I thought about the lunches we had when we played "Who am I?" If we had been contemporaries I would have enjoyed you from a distance because I wouldn't have had your courage to face live with so much gusto. I would have envied your vitality even while I sat & knitted a scarf or something exciting like that. Bizzie Lizzie
I don't know why, but I'm always surprised when people remember me.
I guess I had always thought I was forgettable.
I point the finger at my abandonment issues.
That's a lovely blog Jenn. Friends make life worth living.
LOL Jenn, took a header into the trashcan. Now that made me smile xxx
I used to worry about that kind of thing all the time. Am I using what little time I have on this Earth wisely, contributing to the betterment of others?
I don't know about your own experience, but that sort of thought process would tie me up in knots. I'd start feeling guilty that I wasn't actively involved in charity, not volunteering enough, not paying my dues back to humanity, torturing myself that I wasn't involved in politics so I could change the policies that bothered me.
I'm not sure how, but since I've moved to Rochester a lot of that has subsided. Getting comfortable with being. Not harming others unnecessarily. Supporting those in my life when they have real life issues. Enjoying the act of living.
That little piece I wrote just for fun. I don't have a plot in mind. My goal this summer is to write a romance that isn't cynical, etc. I guess that was a warm up.
I just don't know whether I want to write a story of new love, or one about a couple that has been together for a long time. I think the latter would be more interesting, as that isn't touched upon in our popular culture much.
And there's no requirement that your comments have to match the entry!
You are one of the least forgettable people I know. I'll probably remember you even when I don't remember who I am! Love ya Bizze Lizzie
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