I got a new table for outside.
It's very pretty. Instead of the hand-me-down 80s pink metal and plasticky chairs that I've had for many years, I've gone with brown powder coated metal and earth tones. It's just lovely. The chairs are sturdy and comfortable.
As my husband dutifully put the table together and put the chairs around, we opened the umbrella.
I was so excited for some crazy reason. As my mind's eye was relaxing and planning parties, I watched the umbrella being opened. It was a basic thought: opening up the umbrella was also opening up ideas for the summer. I envisioned warm summer nights, candles, wine, food, laughter, and friends. I could hear the music faintly playing in the background. My wind-chimes tinkling to a soft breeze.
As the umbrella opened up, I looked up the underside. I was appreciating the smoothness in which it unfolded itself as I cranked the handle. No more wrestling it open or closed. Then I noticed up in the top was what appeared to be a crumpled leaf. A large leaf.
I looked at it curiously. How did that leaf get up there? The umbrella is fairly new. New this spring. It wasn't outside during the fall. It was so odd to see a leaf stuck up in it already. I really started to focus on the object until it moved on it's own. My eyes saw and my brain connected. Too bad my mouth was not engaged with the "mute" switch.
For there, in the upper reaches of the umbrella was a tiny bat. Did I say something welcoming? Original? Flattering? Inquisitive?
No.
How about, "Oh F$#@ a bat!" Then after mild hyperventilating and frantic pointing I said, "Run away."
And I did.
15 comments:
I found no bat in my patio set and I am pissed.
Bats have a bad reputation but I happen to adore them.
All I have are "callipitters" to keep me company... talk about creepy.
Do you think the US postal service would mind me mailing my bat to you? I would only flatten it a little so it would fit in an envelope.
It could eat your callipitters and make the creepy go away.
Of course there was a bat in your new umbrella. Why did you think there wouldn't be something???? It's a wonder you have any teeth left after all the cherry pits that ended up in YOUR serving of pie, cobbler, salads, etc. Honest - iot wasn't intentional! Thanks for the good laugh. Bizzie Lizzie
LOL. I love this post. You have a way of telling stories that I really enjoy.
I actually don't mind bats so much, although I probably wouldn't want one hanging out in my patio umbrella either.
I have a bat story you might enjoy...
One summer a couple years ago, we found a live bat on the ground at my mom's house. My friend from New Zealand thought it was the cutest thing, and he tried to pick it up. Of course, it bit him.
My mom and I tried to pursuade him to see a doctor right away, but he didn't seem concerned at all -- in fact, he thought the whole incident was hilarious. He joked about turning into a vampire, making a scowling face with finger-fangs, and speaking in a faux Transylvanian accent. He managed to convince us he would be fine.
A couple days later I did some research on rabies and realized we had handled the situation all wrong. My friend didn't even wash his wound until hours after he was bitten.
I called my friend and convinced him to see a doctor, while my mom sent the bat (now dead) to a county agency for testing.
It tested positive, and my friend had to get series of vaccinations immediately. The doctor said if we'd waited one more day, my friend might have started to show symptoms, at which point it would've been too late to do anything about it. The disease is swift and fatal.
Evidently rabies doesn't exist in New Zealand, so my friend really had no idea that he wasn't supposed to handle the seemingly innocent animal lying on the ground. When he went home, he did his own research and discovered that New Zealanders are some of the most bitten travelers in the world because they're not educated about rabies. Who knew, right?
He wrote an article in a newspaper about his experience, and tried to get involved with education programs to help other people. He credited me with saving his life, although I felt responsible for getting him into the situation in the first place. I'm just glad he's still alive and healthy!
Anyway... that's my story. I still think bats are mostly harmless, as long as you don't go picking them up off the ground!
Hopefully your umbrella bat will find himself a new home soon and you'll be able to go about your summer planning.
"Do you think the US postal service would mind me mailing my bat to you?"
A better question is- "Do you care if the US Postal Service would mind?"
The answer is- "Of freakin course not! If I'm good enough to deliver all of their errors to the proper people, they owe me something. Like a bat. We could share the bat as a pet.
We could train it to pass messages between us. Or to steal shiny things for us. Or to protect the chocolate. Or to fetch the whips. Or to sleep right side up to freak people out.
Okay...really...I'll go away now. I just hope you realize that I type more words to you daily than I speak to most people. That's how much I miss you more. So there! :p
(The preceding message has been brought to you by Pepsi.)
Andrea, that is a crazy bat story! I'm glad that your friend wound up listening to you and is now ok. How cool is it to be mentioned as a life saver?
I think that would go on my "That was a good day" list.
Friendly friend, I would share my bat with you. It would certainly be cooler than a carrier pidgeon. although their shit is still pretty nasty.
We should pick a name for it. I'm considering either "Fluffy" or "Fang" but am open to suggestions.
We could definitely teach it neat tricks. Do you think I could get it to perch on my shoulder? I'd love to teach it how to whistle, growl, or even say "Fluffy want some blood."
I giggle at the thought. :)
Nyah, nyah, I miss you more.
Friday, Friday!
If I can get away with it, I might blow off work early!
Hope you have a great weekend!
hope you have a bat free mother's day!
because you sure are a mother...
dances with wolves is my friend.
you see, it goes to eleven.
holy sheep shit batman.
that's an umbrella not the bat cave.
boo!
oh, did i mention they are horny monkeys
[fifteen filthy fingers groping you]
brains.
brains.
Post a Comment